Gwyneth Paltrow: 17 Strict Rules Her Kids Follow
“I love it when a plan comes together”, an iconic line from the 80s television hit A-team. But as we all know, not every plan works out the way we want it to. Backfires are sure to happen and boy, can they get hilarious. Here's a few stories of some not-so-carefully-planned out ideas that game us a lot of laughs.
"When I was a kid at summer camp, I once attached some skyrockets to one of those balsa wood gliders. I thought it would be fun, but it was an utter disaster." Don't you just love it when kids get "great ideas".
"I tossed it out toward the lake after lighting the rockets and it flew normally for a few seconds until the rockets kicked in. It shot straight up, looped over our heads, and landed right on one of the councilors. No bug juice for me that night." You don't say?
My company has a strict no-alcohol policy. You can’t begin work within 10 hours of having had a drink. So whenever there’s a staff shortage and they need me to come in right away, guess who just cracked open a cold one?
When I worked for the immigration department, some bright spark decided that we weren’t going to remove people who had been caught smuggling drugs from certain countries. They believed it was too risky to deport people who had failed to complete their missions back to angry gang leaders. News traveled quickly and within a few weeks.
There was a huge spike in smuggling. People were smuggling drugs and immediately handing themselves over to authorities to guarantee that they wouldn’t get deported. In addition, dealers found it much easier to convince people to attempt to smuggle drugs because it was a win-win for all parties. The whole idea was scrapped pretty quickly.
I decided to burn some newspaper outside in a toilet I had just replaced because I didn’t want to risk the grass catching on fire. Well, heat caused the toilet to explode, sending burning newspaper everywhere. Then the grass caught on fire.
I invited my elderly mom to come live with us. She was widowed and had some emotional health problems. She began to get paranoid living in our house, and started hating us for “trying to control her.” She moved out, wrote me out of her will entirely, and I never got to see her again. 15 months later, she died.
My work has an infraction system. If you’re a minute late, that’s half a point. If you’re up to four hours late, that’s also half a point. So, if you’re going to be a minute late, you might as well be four hours late, because it’s the same penalty!
"I went to a summer camp when I was 9 years old. After lunch, I once decided to clean up everyone’s trash for them. As I was throwing all the trash away, a counselor saw me and yelled at me for throwing away his soda can.
He then told the other counselors and the adults running the camp that I did it with the intention of just throwing his food away. I cried so much on the car ride home." Trust me, sometimes people are just pure evil. What a terrible camp counselor that person was.
"A salon I worked at one day decided to drug test all the hair stylists. Out of 12 stylists, 11 failed. The manager texted everybody the next day and asked them to come back to work." This must have left their manager in a tough spot
I took a date to a very nice restaurant for dinner to impress her. I noticed the monitor the waitress was using to keep track of our bill behind my date and just before the check came, I told my date how much the bill would be thinking she would be...
...impressed by my math skills. I thought I was so cool, but I was so wrong. After a few more dates, I explained what I had done that night. She laughed and told me she had thought I was a tightwad because I was watching my money so closely.
In college during the winter, we had a heavy snowstorm one year. Everyone was walking to class, and I was heading down the outdoor steps to the basement where my class was. A girl was walking in front of me. She slipped and began to fall. Without thinking, reached my arms under hers to try and prevent her from falling.
In doing so, I slipped and my legs went forward under hers. She landed on top of me and literally rode me like a sled down the stairs. She then stood up and just walked away. Never helped me up, never said “thank you,” never even asked if I was okay. That hurt. Badly.
I had friends at a lunch table who always made fun of this girl who sat by herself. I invited her to our table one day because I felt bad for her. Yup, you can see where this is going. She immediately and 100% replaced me, and they all realized it was even more awesome to make fun of me.
"A hotel I used to work for decided they were having an alcohol-free holiday party. This didn’t sit well with the people who’d been working there for years and were accustomed to a full bar at the party." Poor move on their part.
"The staff parking lot ended up being full of people drinking in their cars, trying to get a good buzz to carry them through the party. Most people ended up getting way drunker than they would have, so the party was a mess." Great way to stick it to management! Hope they all kept their jobs.
“Got some new clothes, like button-up shirts and nice khakis. Post-“makeover,” I had a lot of guys hit on me. I’m a straight man though, so that’s not really the result I was hoping for.” But hey man, at least now you know you look good!
"I worked at an arcade prize counter. One time, a summer camp full of kids came rolling in. They had tickets for unlimited games, but they couldn’t get any points for the prize counter—which the counselors had failed to tell the kids, so we had to keep explaining it.
Some of the poor kids were super excited because they had won a jackpot! It was equally annoying and heartbreaking. Well, one kid showed up and was devastated. He had been working all day to get enough points for this little clip-on fox plush. He was inconsolable." That was real nice, but it gets worse.
"Finally, I decided to use my own points to get it for him, because I really sympathized with him. I felt like that was a toy that I would have wanted as a little kid, and I would probably have been equally devastated if I couldn’t have it. I was also truly annoyed with the counselors at that point."
I gave him the toy and told him not to tell anyone about it. But then, things got even worse. He came back later in tears because the counselor had confiscated the toy. To have the toy in your hands and then have it taken away probably felt even worse than not getting the toy at all. I felt awful.