Couples Should Tackle Difficult Money Conversations Early, ‘Money Together’ Authors Say: ‘Your Dreams Need Real Roadmaps’

Many couples avoid discussing money, often waiting until conflicts arise, but Heather and Douglas Boneparth, authors of Money Together, argue that honest financial conversations can strengthen relationships and help partners reach long-term goals. They say money disagreements are common at all stages because “money is more than money,” reflecting fears, personal histories and cultural backgrounds.

The book opens with an anecdote about a couple discovering debts during their honeymoon in Positano, Italy. Heather says their story illustrates the importance of addressing financial issues proactively. “At some point, your loose conversations have to turn concrete. Your dreams need real roadmaps,” she said.

Heather and Douglas, married in 2013, emphasize understanding each partner’s emotional connection to money and setting clear, shared goals. Douglas, a certified financial planner and president of Bone Fide Wealth in New York, recommends joint accounts for household expenses while keeping individual accounts to maintain autonomy.

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The Boneparths also discuss handling debt, income gaps, and inheritance. Heather shared how Doug co-signed a student loan refinance for her, saying, “He was saying, ‘Your burdens are my burdens.’” Still, she cautions against creating a “savior” dynamic, which can lead to imbalance. They advise practicing “financial fairness” to ensure both partners feel respected, regardless of differences in earnings or family wealth.

The authors stress that hiding financial information can damage trust. “It never stays hidden forever,” Doug said. They recommend starting money conversations early in a relationship, beginning with discussions about values, upbringing and financial priorities, rather than numbers.

They also advise thoughtful responses to income changes, such as layoffs. Heather noted that while it’s important to eventually address practical adjustments, partners should first acknowledge the emotional impact.

Overall, the Boneparths argue that proactive, honest discussions about money foster stronger partnerships, build trust, and support shared financial goals, showing that open communication is key to both relationship and financial success.